In 2018, gaslighting was Oxford Dictionary’s word of the year, then in 2022 it was Merriam-Webster’s word of the year.
And in 2023, a survey found that 3 out of 4 female domestic violence victims experience gaslighting. Now, there’s a new term making waves, greenlighting.
The term gaslighting comes from a British play-turned film from the 1930s called Gas Light, where a husband manipulates his wife by making her believe she’s going insane.
“What gaslighting is, it’s actually making a person feel like what really causes them emotional harm is really not true,” said Cherlette McCullough, a licensed marriage and family therapist.
Today, gaslighting goes beyond romantic relationships. It can happen between friends, family or even at work.
“So, it’s like a master manipulator, telling you, ‘Oh no, that’s not it.’ You know what you feel, but there is no validation,” explained McCullough.
Importantly, gaslighting is a pattern of invalidation, so what’s the opposite?
Greenlighting is all about validating someone’s experience, even if you don’t have the same perspective.
Some examples would be instead of saying “It’s not that big of a deal; you’re overreacting,” saying “I understand your concerns; how can I help?”
“What we need in a relationship is validation,” said McCullough.
While not all gaslighting is intentional, greenlighting is. And validating someone’s experience can strengthen your relationships.
If you want to start greenlighting in the workplace, here’s five steps:
- Pause and listen to your coworker or employee
- Validate their thoughts before responding
- Encourage feedback and act on it
- Model the behavior you want to see
- Celebrate wins and the effort given