October is National Domestic Violence Awareness Month.
More than 12 million men and women are victims of abuse each year in the United States. It impacts 3 in 10 women and 1 in 10 men.
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Twenty-three people every minute become victims of rape, physical violence, verbal abuse or stalking by someone they consider their partner.
When you suspect someone you know is going through domestic violence, you’ll probably look for something physical, like broken bones or bruises. But not all signs of domestic violence are black and blue.
“A lot of times emotional, verbal, psychological abuse will break down the person’s sense of self,” said Kathleen McHugh, a licensed psychologist.
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So how do you spot those nonphysical signs?
Do you know someone who suddenly has lower self-esteem and repeatedly cancels plans outside of those with their partner? Is this partner making all important decisions and dismissing their opinions?
These are signs that something more abusive may be happening behind closed doors.
Another nonphysical form of abuse? Financial abuse.
“Economic or financial abuse is the insistence on maintaining the only access to the money source,” explained McHugh.
In financial abuse cases, one partner has all the passwords to bank accounts and credit cards.
“You see that person being indecisive about spending money or asking for permission. Those could be some of the more subtle signs,” said McHugh.
Finally, if your friend tells you that they are going through domestic violence, never tell them what to do.
“We want them to heal. We don’t want to just have them do what we think they need to do,” said McHugh.
The best thing you can do to help is to be there for them, listen to them without criticizing them, let them know that in an emergency they can contact you and connect them with a mental health professional.
If someone is in grave danger, you should call the police.
But telling a victim what to do takes their agency away, which is exactly what the abuser is doing.
McHugh said that while you can make suggestions, you need to honor where they are at and their own opinions.
Resources
Free, confidential support is available 24/7 through Hubbard House’s Hotline at 904-354-3114 and Text line at 904-210-3698.
If you or someone you know is or has been a victim of domestic violence or abuse, here’s a list of other resources available:
- The Florida Domestic Violence Hotline, which will direct you to the nearest shelter, is 1-800-500-1119.
- The National Domestic Violence Hotline is open 24 hours a day. The number is 1-800-799-SAFE.
- The Micah’s Place (Nassau County) Domestic Violence Help Hotline is 904-225-9979.
- The Quigley House (Clay County) hotline is 904-284-0061.
- The Betty Griffin Center (St. Johns County) can be reached at 904-824-1555.